Let’s Normalise Not Talking to People When We Feel Like Sh*t

I saw this post the other day by @poetsandwriters on instagram and immediately saved it. It really resonated with me. Let me tell you why…

I really, really don’t like talking to people when I’m not in the right mood. It usually ends up with a lot of akwardness and me ruminating!

Not talking about proper chats. Those are different. Conversations with people I know and trust, where I can be myself and say what’s actually going on - those matter. That’s needed.

But.

That’s not what I’m talking about.

This is about those in-between moments. When you’re not okay but you’re also not ready to talk. When someone asks “How are you?” and you know they don’t really want the truth. When your tank is empty and you just can’t do the fake cheerfulness thing. When small talk feels like a full-body allergy.

I can’t do it.

I don’t want to.

I usually end up going too deep, too fast, and the other person just blinks at me. Or says something weird. Or backs away slowly. And then I spiral. Wondering why I said all that. Wondering what they must think. Wondering if I made it weird.

Also: I can’t hide how I feel. Not a skill I have. My face tells on me. Always.

Here’s a recent example.

Just before Easter, things were rough at home. Our eldest was in a tough patch - ND burnout, low mood, overwhelm. Everything felt tight. I was running on nothing.

I decided to go to his rugby match. I thought it would help. Bit of fresh air, some space. I assumed it would be quiet. That I could just sit alone for a bit and breathe.

Nope. Loads of parents showed up.

Someone asked how I was, and I just cried. Fully cried. No warning. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. And it’s awkward because not everyone is able to respond in a way that’s helpful. They just don’t know what to say when you’re not okay…and I’m not judging them btw it is hard to know what to say.

That’s when I realised: I should’ve just stayed at home, I wasn’t ready.

Sometimes you don’t have the words yet. Sometimes you’re not ready. And that’s allowed.

You’re not being cold. You’re protecting your energy. You don’t owe anyone a conversation. Not when you’re running on fumes. Not when it costs you more than you’ve got.

So yes - talk when you can. Open up when you’re ready. Be honest with people who feel safe. That stuff matters.

But also I really belive it’s ok to ignore people if you need to. Be quiet if that’s what feels good. Don’t explain if you don’t want to.

Sometimes silence is self-care.

Kim Palmer - Founder, Clementine